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The kids aren't alrightt

Today's come with some pretty strong emotion and I think I should speak and just get it all out of my system. This calls for some loud playing of falloutboy through my headphones.
"In the end, I'll do it all again, I think you're my best friend. Don't you know that the kids aren't alright"

I'm not completely sure how I'm feeling and I'm also not sure how I should speak about it.
I'm just feeling extremely present which isn't normal (normally on the moon) and Im both angry, really low and very blimming happy.
If my low esteem and overthinking is particularly obvious which it is today, I always find it hard to cope with I feel slightly deluded and crazy, It makes me want to scream and just throw everything around,  I'm trying to make the outside world match with my brain this way so I don't feel alone...chaos huh? I'm so angry  but not angry because I'm not usually an angry person.  WHAT IS MY BRAIN??! SOMEONE?!

Today my …
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La casa Sulla Luna

"The house on the moon"

Today I'm detached
I live on the moon
Far away from the glassy plain eyes
And the passing trains

Today I'm dissociated
I live on the moon
Far away from kelaidascope colours
And bright thoughts

Today I'm withdrawn
I live on the moon
Far away from magnetic wires
And buzzing overhead cables

Today I'm attached
I still live on the moon
But the magnetic wires
And overhead cables, the bright thoughts
And the kelaidascope colours, the plain eyes
And passing trains
They're all here in my brain.
They keep me connected, in touch.

And sometimes I lose that.
But it's okay.
You'll find me here...

in the house

on the moon.  

By Rhiannon B
(I wrote this poem off the top of my head  and the Italian for "the house on the moon" gave me this sudden idea and spontaneous urge to write a poem)


"There's nothing to writing. You just have to sit at a typewriter and bleed" ~ Ernest Hemingway

I want to thank the person I was speaking to recently for this quote ☺️

I think writing is so important. It can be an output to so many emotions and I think writing is hard especially when your brain is completely dry. The sponge isn't full of emotion. Somehow I always dig and find something to talk about! I wonder if I will ever run out to talk about things?

Over the past couple of years I've constantly asked questions as to why I behave certain ways, I've delved into a lot of things to be able to speak so freely and to be able to understand this disorder and brain of mine and many others. It metaphorically does make you bleed, it opens up old wounds you didn't realise were there and its taken a while to get the answers.

I still have a lot more searching to do. It's been an emotional trip, really. Having therapists and multiple mentors has helped me to und…

Out there

I think one thing at least everyone at some point in their life encounters is overthinking, whether you're a casual over thinker and you're savvy and cool after providing arguments for both sides of your irrational fears or you're an avid over thinker and your brain just...splurges into a mess when trying to consider what possibly could be wrong. I know which one I am.

Overthinking not only exhausts you but it makes life a whole lot harder. I've dealt with overthinking a lot recently...exam results and friendships and my relationship with my lovely boyfriend. 
My exam results are something I cannot do anything about and so I know I cannot worry about them.
Friendships, while they're a hassle to sort, there's always one person you're good friends with and you can confide in and so those worries can often be solved by a chat or over a bowl of noodles. 
However for my boyfriend it's a lot harder, we're long distance and so it makes things all the more diff…

Dear Attachment Disorder

Thank you for the challenges and trials you put me through.
The endless seeming low self esteem periods mixed with "be proud of your body". The relentless figure tapping my little brain telling me to over react at the slightest noise (in which the figure would be more drilling than tapping)  The tiring high vigilance when bright lights are my worst enemy and loud noises make me cover my ears. The introverted yet wanting to be social me, all very confusing. The tired and sleepy me yet having thoughts and what ifs about fish falling in love at 1am.  The angry and passionate me that is unmotivated and sluggish leaving a depressive sticky trail. And the neutral spaced out me, I've always wanted to experience space so thankyou for my little trip to Mars mr brain.  (Had a bad day...)  But mostly thankyou for shaping me into who I am. (One positive there + the lovely trip to much money for rocket fuel I wonder?!) 

Almost there!!

How are we all?  I finish school this week which I'm very excited about, also very nervous about because I want to get into my courses for sixth form/college and I need to pass English and maths (not very good at maths) I'm more of an arty person and so I chose a more creative set of courses (photography, creative media and art) I took art as a GCSE which was fun and I loved every minute! I really hope my mindset doesn't change over the summer! 
I've had a busy day today, celebrating my dad's birthday as he isn't here on Tuesday to celebrate! I feel very full of cake and other food. In other news I've been asked if I would like a feature in a friends blog which I will link below, her writing is true and there is a lot of raw talent, I can empathise and understand it and it makes me feel less alone! I think its good that we are spreading awareness of this disorder! 
My blog won't be fully focused on AD as there are other areas of adoption and my e…

Attachment we go!

Attachment Disorder  On Monday I spoke out/wrote a post about attachment disorder, it got some attention and it helped quite few people, I then wrote again today telling people a bit more about how it affects me.
I didnt expect many people to read or share it but here we are!! I hope this provides information, support and comfort to people who have it, know someone with it or have sons and daughters with it.

"Attachment disorder is a broad term intended to describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships arising from a failure to form normal attachments to primary care giving figures in early childhood"
While this description of it is correct it doesn't live up to quite what happens almost every morning.
I wake up at 7, have a shower, get ready. I sigh as I hear my sister shout defiantly at my mum and only when I think shes calmed down, she gets worse. Objects are thrown and shouting gets louder. I take my dog for a walk only to have my sister chase me half…